The people of Gotham city
Lived lives that were gritty
And as dangerous as could be.
In New York, they heard
Every last jailbird
Was not ever truly free
For the great spider-man
Ran a great city plan
To keep the city as safe as could be.
Said the people of Gotham out loud
We need someone to make us proud
Whether old or young whether far or near – oh!
It’s hell living without a hero.
Thus the people of Gotham were quite glad
When Batman appeared to fight the bad
He kicked and he punched and he clawed
The people thought him a god.
Apotheosis was here
Yet the downfall was near.
And the people had forgotten their fear.
The Joker appeared on the block
And vowed a drop in his stock
As quickly as the fall of a rock.
Batman’s identity came into question
Everyone wished to make a suggestion
That batman should be part of the Force
His abilities harnessed like that of a horse
Said the people of Gotham: "What is there to hide?"
Why is he so dark when he fights the dark side?
If his virtues are so deep and so wide
He should fight the social tide!
Thus the Joker’s threats
Were very soon met
The people turned against batman;
The one who does the best he can.
Said the people of Gotham in prayer
We need a new darkness slayer
Whether old or young whether far or near – oh!
It’s hell living without a hero.
The Banisher banished,
The hero then vanished
And to this day it’s a mystery
Where he lives today
Has he gone his own way
Will he still go up in history.
But the people of Gotham together
Accurse their misfortunous weather
And lament their need of a guide
Someone always on their side
“Whether old or young whether far or near – oh!
It’s hell living without a hero.”
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I know it was supposed to be a short story, but I just wanted to try something new.....
Poetry is always welcome, and considering the line "it's hell living without a hero" has poetic qualities, I think it works. I really like the theme you've developed and it's a fun read. It reminds me of a famous song by a Canadian band called the Crash Test Dummies.
답글삭제http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihUIPlLw2ZE
Things I liked:
1. The theme and concept, as stated above. I think PLZ should play this and produce a number one hit screaming "It's hell not having a hero!" Kurt Cobain style. Seriously. It's cool.
2. The playful way you incorporate a list of heroes and their individual failings.
3. Some excellent poetic devices at work - some nice examples of alliteration such as with "The Banisher banished,
The hero then vanished"
Things to improve:
1. The poetic structure seems to be freeverse, which is fine, but try to increase the flow and rhythm. When people read words that rhyme they expect a flow to be maintained, but at times this gets jarring and seems too random. Defenestration's structure was more satisfying.
2. Hell not having a hero was used well, but I want more of it for some reason.
3. More descriptive word play describing the heros and their powers - Spiderman, for example. A web of lies? Arachnophobia? More Spider related cliches perhaps. Why isn't Superman mentioned?